Tonight is the next coffeehouse at Chick-fil-A Bristow, a regular event that draws talent from the Bristow area to come and perform live at the restaurant.

Tonight’s artist is Amelia Reedy, 16, a lifelong resident of Nokesville. She attends Brentsville District High School where’s she’ll be a junior this fall.

She’s a member of the National Honor Society and sings in the school’s Treble Choir. She’s got a passion for theatre and has recently been a member of the cast of Beauty and the Beast, Seussical the Musical, and Mutually Assured Destruction.

Reedy has performed at the Relay for Life, and at Bach 2 Rock concerts, but her music is mainly enjoyed by her family and friends. Reedy’s love for music and performing has given her a great sense of expression throughout her high school career.

She plays the ukulele and sings, and has studied at Bach 2 Rock in Bristow with Susan Washington since the 8th grade. While not studying at school or music, she is a team member at Chick-fil-A Bristow.

Reedy hopes to study education and music therapy, sharing her passion with others.

The coffeehouse is from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at Chick-fil-A Bristow, located at 9939 Sowder Village Square in Bristow. Coffee specials will include buy-one-get-one-free Thrive Farmers coffee hot, iced, or frosted varieties.

Come enjoy an evening of live music and coffee on the patio.

Friday Night Coffee House-July 26-Amelia

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

“There’s no way in hell I’m going to do the same thing my parents did.”

Whether you’re a parent or not, a lot of people think and say this. It’s not that we all had crappy parents. It’s just easier to see the mistakes they made because they made them on us. No, I’m not playing the blame game. Most children can pretty much say the same thing because no parent is perfect. My point here is, when it comes to motivation, sometimes it’s the “No way!” that gets us moving in the right direction.

“Now wait a second,” you say. A while back, we talked about how the mind only reads positive statements, that when we say, “Don’t do this,” the mind hears, “Do this!” So how can negative motivation possibly work?

It’s simple. Negative motivation can be the catalyst that pushes you in the direction of your goals. After that, strategic, positive statements need to take over. But negativity, if harnessed correctly, can be turned into a positive force to be reckoned with.

Here’s an example. When I was a kid, I went to a really strict private school for a few years. I must have had the meanest teacher alive, because she spent most of my eighth grade belittling me, telling me how I wasn’t anything like my older brother (whom she had taught before and apparently adored) and how I was a disappointment. Big blow to the self-esteem, right? Okay, now it’s decades later, and I have my own kids. I vow I will never, ever let my kids have a teacher like that. That’s the negative.

The positive? I was more proactive. I listened to my kids. I observed some of their classes. I went to parent-teacher conferences. I wasn’t a helicopter parent, but I checked in periodically to make sure everything was working well. And guess what? My kids made it through school without having the same issues I did. They had other issues (you can’t make it through school without having at least a few), but they had good teachers.

So now, I’m going to ask you to dabble in the negative a bit. Just dip your toes into a couple of bad memories. We’re not going to bathe in them or stay there. Just give yourself a reminder of something you don’t ever want to happen again.

Now, in one sentence, write it down.

For example, “I will never, ever let a boss get away with cussing at me.”

Okay. Now…what positive things might you try to help ensure that doesn’t happen? Write three to four steps you will take. But use positive language and make a simple, realistic plan.

For example:

1.  I use professional language, so my boss knows that’s one of my values.
2.  I speak to my colleagues with respect to show my boss I treat others the way I want to be treated.
3.  When I am angry, I communicate clearly and appropriately to my boss and anyone else around me to provide a model for the way in which I prefer to be spoken to.
4.  If my boss is headed in the direction of cussing at me, I calmly and politely redirect the conversation.

See how we took a negative situation and made positive steps to change it?

It’s really not so difficult – in theory, that is. So why don’t we do it more often?
·         We forget to practice the behaviors we outlined.
·         We fall back into old patterns, speaking in the negative instead of the positive.
·         We’re so accustomed to the negative that we get discouraged and start to feel doomed to a fate we didn’t choose.

The fix for this is to repeat the exercise again and again. You know how they say it takes 21 days or so to create a new habit? This is what you’re doing. If that means sitting down every day and writing the steps, then that’s what it means. This is how you’ll stay positively motivated. Yes, it will take effort. Yes, you will get discouraged. But keep at it. Believe in the process. It works.

What do you see when you ask,
“What if?”
when you look into the eyes of the possible,
the maybe,
the last hope
groping a forgotten face?  
Write it down,
there, in notebook, or on napkin.
Now, there’s a plan.
Ink has made it so.
You have made it so.
Look who approaches!
Success, wearing the smile
of a child,
my old friend.

Until next time,

Katherine

Postpartum Depression (PPD) is the leading complication of pregnancy and occurs in as many as one in 10 pregnant women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. PPD can occur from a few days up to 18 months after delivery.

PPD can be treated and prevented with timely screening and diagnosis.

New mothers experiencing depression say:

• I’m supposed to be happy….why do I feel so sad?
• I worry all the time.
• Why am I such a failure?
• Everything would be better if I got a good night’s sleep.
• Why can’t I snap out of it?
• I want to run away

Signs and symptoms of PPD include:

• Feeling overwhelmed
• Anxious
• Sad
• Guilty
• Irritable
• Hopeless
• Exhausted but can’t sleep

Complications of this major depressive disorder can lead to altered bonding, cognitive and developmental delays in the newborn that can persist into and through adolescence, negative effects on relationships with family and spouse/significant other that can lead to divorce, suicide, or infanticide.

If you feel that you may be experiencing PPD please call your doctor to discuss your treatment options. Early diagnosis and treatment is important.

Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center offers a Postpartum Support Group on the 2nd & 4th Tuesday of every month from 10 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. in the Hylton Education Center on the campus of Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center, 2300 Opitz Blvd., Woodbridge, Va. 22191.

If you feel as though you are in immediate danger of harming yourself or your baby please reach out to a physician, go to the nearest emergency department or call 911.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

Think back to your young adulthood. Were you someone who wanted to stand out or fit in? Both? Maybe you took a winding path in the pursuit of discovering yourself or defining yourself.

Whatever the route, it got you where you are today. But now that you’re older, have you thought about what sets you apart? I’m going to argue that, while we need to fit in, the ability to celebrate our uniqueness plays into staying motivated and inspired.

Here’s why.

People are social creatures, by nature and necessity. Human beings have expressed tribal mentalities since the dawn of time. And yet, there is something appealing about being different – not so different that you can’t fit in when need be, but different enough to make others take pause and think.

When I was a teen, I did this by wearing black. My mother hated it. Then one day, I decided to dye my hair darker brown. Except it came out black. So now I was looking pretty radical compared to my former self.

I went into class and this girl with a black mohawk saluted me, hand covered in a spiky glove. “I like your hair,” she said. I smiled. Yet, I was a bit uneasy. Did I want to be what was known as punk? Did I want to stand out like she did? Was I ready for that?

The short answer was, no. My boyfriend said he didn’t like the black, so I changed it back. Yes, I caved. But since I was already on the fence about it, I didn’t think it made too much of a difference.

Looking back, I wonder what might have happened if I delved further into my punk side. As I type right now, I am looking at the rings on each of my fingers. I’m thinking about the four earrings in each ear, the funky headband and the lacy boho top. My look is still a little different, but what’s more important is how I live my life and my values. In fact, it’s no one thing that sets me apart. It’s more the unique combination.

So what about you? Are you ready to use this introspection as a tool for motivating and inspiring yourself to go further than you thought you could? Give it a try.

1. Write down ten traits that best to describe you. These can be anything from how you dress to what you profess.
2. Of these, choose three that are the most important, that have the most depth.
3. Of these three, choose two that you most appreciate about yourself.
4. Each day, do one thing to develop each of those traits.
5. Mark off each day that you do your development activity. See how long you can maintain the practice.
6. At the end of a month, look at the changes you’ve made and how you’ve developed in those areas of choice.
7. Pat yourself on the back.

Here’s the why:

When you identify the unique things about yourself that you love enough to invest time and energy into, you grow in those areas. Every day, you become stronger. And that makes you feel good.

The more you feel good, the more rewarded you feel, the more time and energy you put into developing those traits. And before long, you’ll see yourself excelling, going beyond even your own expectations. You’ll see the combination of those traits morphing in ways you didn’t expect, and you’ll be celebrating that. And you won’t stop because you’ll be inspired to keep going.

The funny thing is, we do this kind of thing all the time, but we don’t notice it because we usually do it for pure enjoyment. For example, you might love to take photos. So you buy a nice camera and you practice. Before long, you become an expert. That’s great. But what I’m suggesting is that you choose something deeper than a hobby or job, something beyond the obvious. It might not even be something you enjoy. Ah. Now I’ve created work for you, right? It’s okay. You’ll discover the work is worth it, especially the more you reward yourself by feeling good and recognizing the unique combination that makes up you.

We hear a lot about getting back in touch with “the real you,” about being authentic, about releasing the inner child screaming to get out. These are all important, but it’s equally important to discern what parts of the “real you” are truly what you want to invest in. Discover them. Develop them. Love them. And watch as the inspired miracle of you grows larger than life.

Did you dye your hair,
thinking it would change you?
Forget what you see in the mirror.
It shatters too easily.
Fix your eyes on what’s behind
the shiny surface.
Feel your stomach as you inhale.
See how each deep breath
expands the chest?
It’s gifting us life.
Making us mighty.

Until next time,

Katherine

A well-prepared summer first aid kit keeps your family having fun in the sun, on the beach, over hiking trails, or wherever you adventure.
Start with a store-bought pre-made kit already stocked with adhesive bandages, gauze, tape and small packets of antibiotic ointment; it is cost-effective.

Put that kit in a small comfortable backpack to take on trips. Hang it visibly in the closet as a reminder.

CAUTION: Do not leave it in your car in the summer. The heat can melt the plastic adhesives and deactivate the chemicals.?Look inside the premade kit for anything that could be missing.

Consider adding:

• 1% hydrocortisone ointment
• Calamine lotion
• Liquid bandage – A medical “nail polish” or spray that puts a waterproof seal on small cuts on the skin. This is great for trips involving sand and water.
• Water bottle – For irrigation of wounds.
• Electrolyte packs – Add this in your water bottle if you need more oral hydration than you brought.
• Epi Pen and albuterol inhaler – Bring this if someone has an underlying condition for anaphylaxis and asthma.
• Ibuprofen or acetaminophen chew tabs – This can also be dosed for adults and is less heavy and bulky than carrying the liquid bottles.
• Bug spray with 30% DEET – This spray works against mosquitos and ticks.
• Ice packs – Purchase the packs that activate when twisted. This can help with acute sprains, sunburn, and over-heating.
• Oxymetazoline hcl nasal solution – Use intra-nasally to help nosebleeds.
• LED flashlight/headlight – Helps in the dark, but also if you need to remove ticks or splinters.
• Tweezers, scissors, magnifying glass, alcohol wipes – To help with the above.
• ACE wrap & finger splints
• Inexpensive plastic rain capes – These can keep you dry during summer storms, but can also be placed on the ground as a clean surface to work on an injury.

Plan ahead for good hydration during the summer. When exercising in hot conditions, drink 4- 8 oz of cold electrolytes or sports drinks every 15-20 min.

This means drinking 2-3 cups cold liquid every hour. Control condensation by having drinks partially frozen and in a zip-lock bag before placing them in your backpack.

STAFFORD — Do you want to own a car repair business?

Shackleford’s Garage at 451 Brooke Road in Stafford County is on the market and judging by the look of the photos, it's kind of a fixer-upper.

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Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

By Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt

Let’s talk about what happens when you’re motivated by anger.

One day, a king invited his enemy to a banquet at his castle. “Let’s make peace,” he said. “Come and celebrate my eldest son’s birthday with us.”

His enemy agreed, not knowing if the king truly had intentions of making peace, but he figured it would be worth the try.

In actuality, the king intended to poison his enemy at the banquet and show his young son how enemies were to be dealt with.

As they sat at the table, the king poured drinks himself and directed the servants to pass them around in such a way that his enemy received the poisoned drink. When it came time to toast, the enemy stood up, raised his goblet and said, “A toast – to our newfound peace and to this boy who will be a man someday. Boy, give me your goblet. Let us drink from the same brew your father has poured for me. We will share our drinks just as our kingdoms will share peace.”

The father, horrified, stood and said, “No. Share your drink with me instead, as the boy has not been part of our feud. Come, I insist.”

“Noble king,” said the enemy, “what a grand idea. I shall instead share it with both, to ensure peace now and for future generations.”

The enemy then poured some of his poisoned drink into the boy’s cup and the king’s cup.

“A toast to peace!” cried the enemy, raising his goblet and smiling.

“To peace!” shouted the guests.

And that’s where the story ends.

You see, it doesn’t matter whether the king or the boy or the enemy drank the poisoned drink. If they didn’t all drink together, the enemy would become suspicious and remain untrusting, forever inhibiting true peace. If the king drank and died, the kingdom would fall into ruin. If the king said nothing and just pretended to drink, at the very least, his son would die. And if he admitted to poisoning the drink, war would surely ensue.

That’s what anger does. While it might poison your enemy (real or imagined), it also poisons those you love and yourself. While you might not drop dead at a banquet table, you most certainly cannot live your best life if your motivations are rooted in anger.

I once heard that anger is a secondary emotion, the result of combined, deeper emotions like fear mixed with hurt or hurt mixed with sadness. Anger is a manifestation of those emotions and the situations that caused them. Anger is a demonstration that whatever created the initial emotions has not been resolved.

In most instances, I’ve found this to be true. I’ve also found it to be true that if we nurture our anger and use it as motivation, that motivation can be powerful. But anger, by definition, is a negative. The Oxford dictionary says anger is “a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.” Unless anger is addressed at its base level, the level of those underlying combinations of emotions, it remains a destructive force.

So how do you ensure anger doesn’t kill you and those around you? Writer and community leader Cindy Brookshire has a system. She says, “Resentment comes from something you think you didn’t get in the past. Anger comes from something you think you’re not getting now. Fear comes from something you think you’re not going to get in the future. Deal with your feelings.” She suggests doing this:

1. Write down your feelings.
2. Deal with them, even if you need help from someone else.
3. Write down the things that make you feel angry.
4. Burn the paper in something contained, like a fire pit.
5. Whatever issues make you angry, perform one positive action each day to resolve those issues.

Once you do this and anger is no longer in the mix, you’ll discover your motivations are a lot less muddy and you can get on with your life. You’ll become happier, as will those around you. And as a result, you’ll become inspired to continue that upward momentum towards the positive and reaching your goals. New doors will open, revelations will unfold and you will find yourself evolving.

I hand
a goblet of poison
to my grey enemy,
his fingers quietly closing
around the stone base,
touching my own.
How the chill runs through.
“No, you take the first sip.”
And I, foolish,
raise it to my lips,
pretend to drink and swallow.

“More,” says my enemy.
“You’ve not had enough.
Pour it in like you mean it.
I’m sure you can get a refill.
Am I right?”

Until next time,

Katherine

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

By Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt

Ever sit down to do something and suddenly feel a lack of inspiration? What is that, anyway?

You had a great idea. You were excited and motivated. Then poof. Gone. It’s like the breath just got knocked out of you. There doesn’t seem to be a particular reason why. It just kind of happens.

The keyword here is breath.

If you look at the history of the word inspiration, you’ll see it dates back to the 1300s and refers to immediate influence by a god or gods that breathe into a mortal to motivate them to do something creative while guiding them along the way.

Inspiration is the breath of life, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Artists thrive on it, but so do good leaders and those who want to control their own destinies. So there’s good reason why losing inspiration can feel like you just got sucker punched.

Here’s how to get inspiration back.

1. Get somewhere private, or at least where you feel a sense of privacy.
2. Lower or close your eyes.
3. Listen to yourself inhale and exhale.
4. Feel your stomach and chest as you inhale and exhale. You can do this by putting a hand on your upper abdomen or just focusing on that part of your body.
5. Breathe deeply and slowly in and out for 30-60 seconds, continuing to listen to your body. If other thoughts intrude, don’t fight them, but dismiss them gently.
6. Visualize someone or something physically breathing into you. Feel the air they bring through your nose, throat and lungs.
7. Open your eyes, take a deep breath, exhale and do what it is you sat down to do. Don’t wait. Just start.

Why does this work?

Many times when we feel we’ve lost our inspiration, it’s that we have suddenly shut ourselves in or down. Whenever we do this, our breathing goes to hell. We breathe too fast or not at all. It’s almost like a kind of anxiety.

“I can’t do this. This won’t come out the way I want. I suck.” All those negative thoughts break in and trample on what should be one of our best creative moments. When that happens, we literally stop breathing correctly. This is a physical reaction to an emotional response, and one perpetuates the other.

I’m not saying this is the only way to bring inspiration back. But it is a quick, convenient path back to the right mindset. Certainly, if you have time and inclination to walk in the woods, mediate or take a warm bath and those work for you, go for it. But at the heart of all those activities is breath. Don’t forget that. You don’t want to end up distracting yourself with other activities, or you could end up losing focus and procrastinating.  

When it comes down to it,

words are breath,

lifegivers of the creative,

the inhale and exhale of cool air

through the nostrils,

into the heart,

the very stuff of heaven.

Ask not from where the breeze flows.

It doesn’t matter.

Feel it on your shoulders?

It’s turning you,

facing you in the direction

of the life you’re making.

Let it run its soft fingers

across your skin.

Breathe. 

Until next time,

Katherine