Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

Ever watch one of those post-apocalyptic movies where hoards gather and for whatever reason – be it hunger, fear or contagious bad attitudes – a fight breaks out and suddenly, it’s mass chaos?

Or how about a bar fight? Everyone jumps in and starts breaking chairs and bottles.

Or maybe it’s just a concert or sporting event, and the crowd goes wild over the performance. Nothing bad, they just do it together.

All of these are examples of groupthink, which is based on collective behavior. Whether good, bad or indifferent, groupthink is the nemesis of true inspiration and motivation.

Here’s why.

At its very heart, choosing to be inspired and motivated is a personal, thoughtful decision. So it makes sense that when you allow a group to think for you and you just follow the crowd, you become less inspired and motivated, even if the crowd is doing something positive.

How can that be?

1. Groupthink operates on collective behavior, which encourages sameness. However, we’re all individuals, and if we let the group think for us, we give up our unique capacity to create the meaning behind inspiration and motivation.

2. Groupthink is typically transient. Get out of the group, and you’re left alone with yourself and your thoughts. Now what? Do you know what to do with your mind? You might use memories to go back to the moment where you were part of the crowd, but that is inherently a solitary journey.

3. Groupthink tends to be shallow. Your quest to maintain inspiration and motivation is not. Thus, groupthink is at odds with your goals.

I know. No fun, right?

Actually, that’s not true. You can use groupthink to your advantage, and as you do so, distinguish yourself from the group. It might not happen at the scene where collective behavior is taking part, but that doesn’t matter. When it comes to working on creating your own inspiration and motivation, you can use the group, but you don’t have to depend on it.

Here’s how:

1. Breakaway mentally and/or physically from the group. Observe. Note the dynamics of the collective behavior and kind of thinking that is going on in the group. Feel free to jump back into the fray – unless you are in a barfight or a post-apocalyptic brawl. Then you might want to leave.

2. Go back to the haven of your independent mind. Asses how the scene of the collective behavior made you feel (i.e., the bar, the sports arena, etc.).

3. Now assess how the idea behind the collective behavior made you feel. For example, why were you in the bar to begin with? What started the fight? Or what was the music about? Was there a history behind the sound and lyrics?

4. Jot down notes and consider how each of these can be used to inspire or motivate you.

It might look something like this:

Went to the concert. People singing and dancing in unison. Loud drums. Fireworks. Smoke machine. I felt exhilarated being part of the crowd enjoying the music. It was freeing to be part of a group that was there for the sole purpose of celebrating the music. It felt peaceful and made me happy.

I am inspired by the music.

I have always wanted to sing.

I’m inspired to practice and motivated to take lessons.

Notice the above thought processes. The ideas have to form in your mind independently, and they can’t do that in an environment where everyone is thinking the same thing – or not thinking at all and just acting on instinct. I encourage you to think for yourself.

In the 80’s,
there,
in row 103,
me,
lighter raised,
like everyone else
in praise of music.
But mine –
I make it dance for me.

Until next time,
Katherine

Hello Community Members,

Chick-fil-A Bristow would like to invite you to our Brentsville District Community Appreciation Day on Wednesday, Aug. 21 from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. We would like to say “thank you” to our communities for your continued support and show our appreciation with a celebration!

If you live in the Brenstville District, specifically Brentsville, Nokesville and Bristow, just come in during that time frame and show your ID and get a FREE Chick-fil-A Chicken Sandwich. We will also have a bounce house for the kids.

We also are inviting our local churches, organizations, schools, high school bands, cheer squads, athletes, clubs, local historical society, police, fire, and vendors to come out and perform or set up an informational table. Please contact me directly if you are interested in participating so we can discuss the details.

We look forward to seeing you!

Karen Allam, Marketing Director of Chick-fil-A (Bristow)

Are you experiencing chronic headaches that are interfering with your day-to-day routine?

If so, you are not alone. Millions of Americans suffer from migraines every day. In fact, they are becoming more recognizable as a chronic issue because of the variety of triggers that can lead to migraines, specifically stress.

To help those living with migraines, Dr. Amelito Malapria from Sentara Neurology Specialists has offered this advice on how to cope with and seek relief from this common medical condition.

How does someone know when they should seek clinical help for their migraines?

• They notice an increase in the frequency of their migraines
• It is affecting their ability to function
• The migraine no longer goes away with over-the-counter medications
• They notice a change in the character and pattern of their migraines

And, what kind of healthcare provider should they make an appointment with?

After first consulting with their primary care team, a neurologist can be helpful in the management of migraines. Unfortunately for most migraine sufferers, the frequency and duration of a migraine can occur several times in a year and work only allows for so many sick days. What are some tips that migraine sufferers can use to make their workday easier?

First, identify your triggers and learn how to manage stress with relaxation techniques. Then, try to make adjustments to your work environment, such as:

• Use an ergonomic chair
• Use an anti-glare computer screen
• Change your lighting to non-fluorescent or use a fluorescent filter
• Use sunglasses if needed
• Stay in a less chaotic area
• Ensure a fragrance-free environment
• Stay hydrated
• Eat regular meals and always have healthy snacks on hand

If I’m plagued with a migraine at work, what can I do to treat it and ease the pain?

• Take your prescribed migraine medication
• Take a break as soon as it starts
• Place an ice pack on your head
• Move to a quiet and dark environment
• Try relaxation techniques
• If it persists, consider going home to recover

Not knowing when a migraine will occur can cause anxiety for those who want to travel. What advice do you give patients with migraines when they are planning to travel?

• Planning is the key, so be aware of your triggers and pay attention to your wellness
• Be sure to eat a light meal before traveling and stock up on snacks and water
• Limit caffeine use and avoid alcohol
• Get a good sleep before you travel
• Bring earplugs, an eye cover, good quality sunglasses, and soothing music
• Do not forget to bring your migraine medications or other homeopathic remedies which have been helpful in the past

Explore Health is a regular feature brought to you by Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center. 

It’s Prince William County Fair week, and one of the most popular events during the fair — the Demolition Derby — is set to take the grandstand on Wednesday and Thursday nights at 7 o’clock.

You won’t want to miss it.

We talked to Rudy, one of the founders of the demolition derby at the fair:

Rudy, you oversee one of the most popular destination attractions here at the fair. The demolition derby and you’ve been doing it you tell me for more than 30 years. What brings you back here to the fair every year.

“Well, I really like this particular area. Manassas has been really good to me. The Prince William County Fair and I met one of the Johnsons (is one of the founders and demolition derby originators) years ago when we were at a convention in Maryland and he said we’d love to run a demo but we don’t know. And so I came down here and looked and I said I’m pretty sure we can do it. And we’ve been doing it ever since.”

The demolition derby is held is almost nightly here. It’s so popular and so you have so many people who come back every year and they bring their cars. What goes into these cars?

“Well of course what’s happened over the years has been more and more difficult to get cars. So it does change them a little bit. But basically, we asked guys and gals to bring stock automobiles. We let them make some adjustments to it and of course, we make them remove the things that we think might fly off and create a problem.”

Some of the things like what?

“Well like we always and they’re not allowed to leave the mirrors on the bed to take all the glass out of their vehicle basically stripped the vehicle with the exception of the driver seat and possibly the passenger seat up front.”

For someone who’s watching this and it is maybe not as familiar with demolition derby might say “oh my gosh that’s dangerous,”  and that “you’ll never get me in one of those cars.” But is it really dangerous?

“Well, if you want my personal opinion that’s what I think. I guess I don’t think. I mean we’re pretty darn careful. Safety is a pretty big issue with us.

We make sure we check every automobile that comes on the ground and want to participate and that they have something that we do not feel is done properly or a safety issue.

We either tell them they must make an adjustment or they’re not allowed to run.

So I’m new to watching demolition derby, and I’m in the grandstands for the first time. Is it the last car standing wins where we’re sort of the rules the demolition derby?

“Basically, that’s it. You know it is the last I was running under a set of guidelines and rules. That last car running is the winner of that particular heat.”

Finally, why do you think this is such a fan favorite at the fair?

“Well for a long long time you know an individual could come to a fair and participate in the demolition derby, and if one of the family members happen to have an old car that wasn’t worth a whole lot anymore they would just basically tear it apart do what they had to do and bring it down to have some fun. And for a long time, a lot of people would say we don’t care about the [prize] money that you’re going to pay.”

“We want the trophy, and Grandma and Grandpa, aunts and uncles brothers and sisters friends and what all the relatives a lot of times come to the fair to watch and participate. And that was what made it really successful because local people were participating and they were bringing their families. …We’ve run force on the cars six cars eight cars. We run minivans and pickup trucks on occasion. There are some places where we run trailer racing you know. So we’ve done a variety of things and a lot of things.”

“It’s certainly I wouldn’t allow anyone in that type of vehicle to compete against somebody a little tiny Honda or Toyota. Right. You know we’re here to have fun. We’re not here to have anybody get hurt. That’s for damn sure.”

So it’s all that fun. It’s all about trophies it’s about local people and it’s certainly all about demolition derby here at the Prince William County play.

Rudy thanks for talking to us today. You don’t want to miss the Prince William County Fair.

It is going on here in Manassas at the Prince William County Fairgrounds. Come check it out.

Backpacks stuffed with fresh school supplies sit by the door. A snazzy new lunchbox waits to be packed. A carefully selected outfit hangs in the closet.

Ready, set, go … the new school year is about to start.

The anticipation and excitement of a new year and, perhaps, a new school, carries some anxiety for students of all ages, and, let’s face it, parents, too.

Open communication with your children about their concerns will go a long way toward preparing them for the next step and easing their fears.

Give your kids confidence to start the new school year with these five tips from Bradley Gerber, a clinical psychologist at Sentara RMH Medical Center:

• Forge friendships. A common concern among students of all ages is whether they will fit in. Peers become more and more important as kids get older – and they also influence the decisions kids will make. Encourage children to gravitate toward a peer group you feel will create the best environment for them.

• Evaluate expectations. The transition to middle school or high school can be unnerving as students navigate new routines and expectations. Provide your student with as much information as you can about the school and be sure the student has toured it. The more information and accurate knowledge children have, the less anxious they will feel.

• Smooth teacher anxiety. When class lists come out and texts fly! Kids may be worried about their new teacher and whether he or she is the right fit. Find out from your child what about the teacher they are worried about. If you feel it’s a legitimate reason that the teacher may not be a good match for your child, schedule a time to talk to the teacher to get some perspective. Approach it as a collaboration and not an inquisition. The teacher will respond better.

• Ease “new kid” worries. Families who have moved to a new town over the summer face a fresh start in every aspect of their lives. Being the “new kid” isn’t easy. Find out as much as possible about the new school for your student. Look online at the school website and even social media channels for the school. Visit the school as soon as you can and be sure to attend back-to-school events so your children can meet classmates before they start school.

• Calm parent angst. Letting go of your child after a fun summer or starting a new stage, such as entering kindergarten or high school, can weigh heavily on a parent’s heart. This is normal! Every change has the potential to bring a sense of grief that a stage is over and a new phase is starting. Create a way to keep track of your thoughts and feelings. Devising a system to save pictures and accomplishment of your child at each stage can help the transition. Each new start offers exciting possibilities, too, for parents, as well as students.

This post is brought to you by Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

One weekend, I went on a little trip with my sister-in-law to the beach, and after, posted this on Facebook:

Walking by the pier at Colonial Beach, Virginia and a gentleman in a wheelchair carrying fishing rods went past me and hooked my hair in one of the lures. So there I am, following after him so my head doesn’t get ripped off, and people are telling him “Stop!” 

After a brief ruckus, a man comes over and helps unhook me. “I don’t think I was what he was expecting to catch,” I say. Then he asks if my SIL and I like ice cream, at which point his friend comes over and asks my SIL, “Who do you think Jesus is?” and does she want an ice cream coupon. 

So then I’m thinking about them as being “fishers of men” but I’m kinda wondering how Jesus would feel about the whole ice cream bribe thing. I start looking around for a white van with no windows. Because that whole thing was bizarre. But it might make a great one-act play.

That ridiculous story got a lot of likes and laughs. And yet, it happened so quickly, and my sister-in-law and I didn’t really laugh or talk too much about it. It was only later that I could see the humor and the value of that little incident. What was the value? It inspired me to write the post and now, this chapter. And who knows. Maybe I will write the play.

Sometimes the most fleeting things make for the best inspiration, motivating us to go with it and take it further. When we do that, we give those moments a life of their own. And we create lasting memories. 

We create meaning and purpose. If you’ve ever made a scrapbook or used a photo as the basis for art, you understand the concept first-hand. It’s these snippets in time that hold more value in retrospect than we might have thought at the time they occurred.

Often, these brief occurrences live in our short-term memory, so if you want to harness them, you need to note them right away or they are easy to forget. Here are some ways you can keep track of those moments so you can return to them for inspiration when you want, all while strengthening memory.

1. Carry a notebook or note-taking app and jot down simple happenings throughout the day. Use lots of verbs and descriptions to keep it vivid.
2. Take photos of little things that catch your eye. Maybe it’s a weird bug on your front door or someone’s colorful shirt.
3. Listen. Really listen. What do you hear around you? Record it if you can. If you can’t, write it down. It might be something like ice from the ice maker falling into a container, the buzz of a toaster that burnt bread or a cat drinking water.
4. Go back and consider where you were when these things happened. How do they make you feel? Happy? Sad? Grateful?
5. What meaning do these moments hold for you? For example, I’ll now always remember that trip to the beach I took with my sister-in-law and the talks we had while we were there.

Besides helping you to live your best life, these practices are useful tools for creating art. Or you can use them in a class or workshop in just about any setting. Try them out and see the variety of applications.

You’ll probably discover that when you invest in fleeting moments, you’ll get many fulfilling returns.

Hooked on the fleeting,

I watched the jet ski fly by,

waves following,

like a memory. 

Until next time,

Katherine

This article is part of a series from the forthcoming book, Get Happy, Dammit. Copyright 2019, All Rights Reserved. Learn more at KatherineGotthardt.com.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

I recently took an online class in strategic thinking in which the instructor asks, “How do you make time for strategic thinking?” Her response was the same one exercise gurus, life coaches and business thought leaders tout: “Make time.”

“Make time” isn’t as simple as people make it out to be. It’s not always about time management and discipline.

It’s more about priorities and your state of mind. Let’s switch up the focus. When it comes to creating inspiration and motivation in your life, how dedicated are you? How badly do you want and need inspiration and motivation?

I’ll argue that you can’t have one without the other, because inspiration fuels motivation better than any catalyst I’ve ever encountered. I’ll also argue that emotionally, we crave both inspiration and motivation if we want to live our best life and move beyond the priorities of survival. Many of us are blessed to be in a place where we can do that.

Maybe you are taking time to read this because, at some level, you crave inspiration and motivation. If so, congratulations. You’ve got an appetite for the stuff.

But what if you don’t desire inspiration and motivation and wish you did? This happens to all of us at some point. Sometimes we call this being in a rut. It’s almost like we have to get inspired and motivated to want more of it enough to make time to nurture it. If you find yourself there, here are some things you can do:

• Go online and read inspirational quotes. (Seriously. Even if they are lame.)
• Why? The messages seep in. (At the very least, you’ll find something stupid to laugh at.)
• List three small, common things you are grateful for.
• Why? Ruts are partially created from taking things for granted. When we do that, we overlook the importance of little blessings, and those can be inspiring.
• Go outside and look up. Examine the clouds or the stars, the birds or the planes. Appreciate them.
• Why? When you reestablish the wonder you held as a child, you tend to get back to the basics of inspiration.
• Plop some paint on a piece of cardboard and swirl it around. Mix in some more colors. Watch how the colors merge and morph. If you feel the desire to fingerpaint, go for it.
• Why? You’re activating the creative side of your brain, fueling inspiration.
• If you have children or friends, no matter what the age, color or draw with them. Or write a silly poem using inane rhymes.
• Why? Group creativity and fun foster an environment where inspiration can grow.
• Go for a short walk. Really note the details: the paint peeling on the fire hydrant, the colors of the wildflowers, the texture of the sidewalk.
• Why? Being observant grounds us in the moment, makes us see things we ignore and brings new understanding, which is inspiring.
• Redecorate your office, even if you just switch out a couple of things or rearrange your desk.
• Why? It forces you to be more observant and create positive change within your surroundings. And it could inspire you to do more after.
• Do something out of the norm, even if it’s just saying hello to strangers.
• Why? It helps disrupt the common and snap you out of your rut. And it makes you think of other ways you can make changes including…you guessed it. Making more time to nurture inspiration and motivation.

You might discover that after reading these suggestions, you say to yourself, “Bull. I know what inspires me. I’m going to do it.” Great! Do what works for you. You know yourself, and engaging in this inner argument will inspire you to understand yourself even more.

When you know what makes you tick, you will know how to fuel your inspiration and motivation.

They told me “Make the time,”

but it felt like doing time,

hash marking days on the wall,

scraping my nails to the nub on cement,

in the same prison that has bricked

unfortunates for ages uncounted.

Instead, I make the rhyme,

using the words in my mind

to meter out the obvious,

the mundane, the cell,

the overwhelming whiteness of it all.

Oh, how they lie,

how they lie.

Until next time, 

Katherine