I have cornered the market with the gift of gab. When people ask me what I do, my response varies among several descriptions, such as, “volunteer, professional volunteer, and community activist.”

Closer to the truth may be that I simply talk!

Just when I need that gift, it has failed me. I started this column three times with three different opening sentences before acceding I do not have the capability to sum up nearly 30 years as a Prince William County resident in 500 words, so I just want to thank you.

Thanks to my editor, Uriah Kiser for allowing me space, week after week to share my thoughts with readers. (If anyone is interested in writing an opinion column, I’m sure Uriah will be pleased to talk to you about it. Eric Vasey, here’s your chance!)

Thanks to all the Prince William County employees who have worked hard to meet my requests, answer my questions and shared my concerns, worked after office hours, and participated in events.

I am so grateful to the many groups and organizations who have worked with me and allowed me to serve my community: Dale City Lions, LOCCA, O.W.N. Optimists, Prince William Committee of 100, PWTSC, Business Women of Prince William County, Americans in Wartime Museum, Habitat PWC, KPWB, Lake Ridge Lions, NLG, Leadership Prince William, DCCA, OLR, WPCCA, MIDCO, Volunteer Prince William, PWC Chamber  Prince William Crime Prevention Council and all those who supported Neabsco Action Alliance.

For all the people who have touched my heart, thank you for giving me a reason to live my life here with a purpose. Thanks to everyone who is making my departure as painless as possible. Thank you for the gifts, the cards, and the offers to help.

My philosophy has been simple: Lead by example. No job is too demeaning, no position too low, no task is beneath you. Making your place in the world is not about power. Making your place is about connecting people to benefit each other, not to benefit yourself. If someone needs help, offer your time and your talents.

The future in Prince William County depends on new ideas and willingness to work together toward a better quality of life for all. It also depends on the truth. There are a lot of wealthy, powerful people living in Prince William County and there are a lot of poor, powerless people here, too. It is not the job of the powerful to command change. It is not the job of the poor to accept their circumstance. It is the job of each and every one of you to work together to create solutions beneficial to everyone.

Stop dividing each other with your niche groups and your party politics. Work together as partners, make opportunities that will strengthen the community. Admit it when there are shortcomings. Realize that the best way is not necessarily YOUR way.

I don’t need to say “Goodbye,” as Facebook and the internet will keep us connected, but oh, how I will miss seeing so many of you face to face! 

When Potomac Local ran this story about the Dale City K Mart closing, it generated a bittersweet moment for me.

For as long as I can remember, I have complained about the entrance to Dale City. I’ve always wanted our community to look beautiful and inviting. I’ve long hoped it would become a place to drive to, not through.

That ancient K-Mart has been an eyesore in the 30 years I’ve lived here. The huge, cracked asphalt parking lot with the newspaper dispensers, clothing receptacles and litter is an embarrassment to the Neabsco District.

Don’t think I haven’t tried through the years to help improve the appearance. I once attempted to organize a cleanup in the wooded area adjacent to K-Mart, but was told it was “dangerous for volunteers because of the homeless population” and that the land owner would take care of it. Since that time, I have repeatedly made complaints to Neighborhood Services inside the offices of Prince William County Government. My complaints would be addressed, but the trash and litter always returns.

So, I’m excited to see the K-Mart is closing, but I know it wasn’t just the store that caused a problem. The plight of the homeless population encamped at that location is a big, contributing factor. What will happen to those people in the woods once redevelopment begins? Our plans for the future simply must address the current reality.

Neabsco residents need to get involved with the “What’s next?” Prince William County staff should soon be hosting visioning sessions to get input from residents regarding renovation in that area near the exit off Interstate 95. What do you want to see happen in the Neabsco District?

Neabsco Action Alliance was formed to protect and promote the best interests of the residents of the Neabsco District and Dale City in particular. Now that I am leaving the area, I am still hoping someone will assume the NAA leadership. We have great mentorship and partnership in place. We’ve educated ourselves in how the county operates and learned what is possible for Dale City residents.

The K-Mart property is owned by a Hylton company as is all the surrounding land, except the land that has been donated to the Americans in Wartime Museum (NMAW) The Hylton family built Dale City and has made enormous contributions to our community. Now it’s time the Hylton corporations work with Prince William County and Neabsco residents to create a new beginning for Dale City.

What do you say Neabsco residents? Are you tired of coming off the 95 exit and looking right to Stonebridge and left to K-Mart? Do you want something to be proud of? It’s up to you. If you want the same old thing, just stay home and complain, but if you have vision, if you can imagine a better future, now is the time to start rallying!

Around the beginning of August I broke the news my husband and I were going to be leaving Prince William County. I was so devastated by the changes coming to our lives that I wrote a column, comparing the relocation to the five stages of loss and grief. We typically think of those stages as
part of dying, but they are applicable to any major event in life that causes upheaval and loss.

Here’s an opportunity to put a number on your stress. This is science based on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale and by answering this questionnaire can accurately predict your risk of serious illness resulting from stress.

I scored a 207, which states I have a moderate to high likelihood of serious illness forthcoming. I absolutely believe stress is an indicator for illness and note that when I had cancer, twice in my life, both occasions were times of great duress.

So, it’s not surprising (to me) that I resorted to ostrich mode and truly believed if I just avoided saying “goodbye” it might not happen. I refused several offers of farewell parties thinking I would suffer less if I just didn’t have to admit, “I’m never going to see you again.” I absolutely could not have been more wrong.

I don’t know what I was thinking, really. I knew I didn’t want any speeches or praise. All I’ve ever done is what I thought best for my community. It doesn’t seem like anything needs be said or glorified about that.

My friend and editor, Uriah Kiser, created a Facebook event titled: A Celebration for Connie Moser and then he invited me!  You can see photos from that event here and contrary to what I had previously believed, it was the best thing I could have done.

I had the opportunity to tell so many of my friends, “goodbye”, “I love you” and “I’ll never forget you.”

If Uriah hadn’t planned this event, I would have missed all those hugs and kisses. One of my friends, Gayle Whitlock, created a poster with all the groups I work for and guests were given markers to write a note. It’s something I’ll treasure forever. Friends brought books, gifts, flowers, and gift certificates, but what they brought most was memories.

Time is such a thief! I always thought I’d have plenty of time to go to dinners and lunches that were social. I was certain I could go to birthday parties when invited, just not “right now”. I thought there would be plenty of other opportunities to visit with friends.

I have made a clean break from all my commitments to focus on this move, but I’m going to continue to make time to see as many of my friends as possible, right up to the day I leave.

The next time I write to you from this page, it will be a look forward, not a look back. I’m going to be more like my friends Cindy Brookshire and Bonnie Nahas, who will also be leaving Prince William soon. I’m going to embrace what’s coming and try to lower that stress score!

Opinion 

I need a break from the Moser Farewell Tour this week! Let’s talk about something that caught my attention this week and see what you think.

Did you read the President Obama’s request for Labor Day tee time was denied by several exclusive golf courses? Various news sources carried the story and most blithely ignored the facts regarding extremely short notice, Labor Day weekend and a security nightmare. (A lot of exclusive club memberships cost upward of $100,000, so it might be a little difficult to tell members they would have to cancel their reservations at the last minute.)

When reading a news story, do you ever wonder what might be missing? Is there a purpose or bias of which you may not be aware? Most of the stories I read mentioned the Trump Golf Course, a rather obvious slant to grab more readers’ attention than just any golf course or several golf courses.

The comments in the Washington Post version were appalling. Many readers opined the reason the president was denied play time was because he is black. I do not doubt there are still some people in the U.S. prejudiced against black people. There are also people prejudiced toward white, Asian, smart, dumb, pretty, ugly, fat, thin, short, tall, young, and old.

Prejudice works on so many levels. Those who are afraid of the unknown seek out others to band together and create a larger force. Many forms of prejudice are designed to create a power to advance an ideal. One thing that all forms of prejudice have in common is that they drive people apart.

It’s impossible to be completely open-minded about every issue and we all look to thought leaders to help us form an opinion. Are you in the obstinate pool that doesn’t care about the best course for everyone? Do you attempt to influence others without regard for their needs or beliefs? Do you genuinely try to do what’s best for the majority or do you only try to do what’s best for you?

I write opinion because a news story, as I learned in journalism eons ago, tells a story based on facts.  The reporter doesn’t try to influence your thinking with sensational or misleading headlines or content.

In today’s fast paced, interactive, competitive, social media-driven reporting, it’s rare to find anything written just with the facts.

It is true I am opinionated, but I promise you I’ve never made a snap judgment based on fear. (Well, possibly when I stomped that spider without regard to whether it was a beneficial insect or not- that may have been a snap judgment.)

So I’m giving you my considered opinion: President Obama was not denied tee off because he is black. If you must work to divide each other, let’s at least stick with a plausible premise.

Do you know your neighbors? How old are the children across the street? What are the names of the couple two doors down? Who on your block has your house key? If you became ill, how long before one of your neighbors noticed?

For about 26 years I could tell you all that and more. I wish I could tell you about all the wonderful people who have been part of my community, but there are just too many of them. My neighbors on the right and left of me have been here since these homes were built in 1976.

The year of Snowmaggedon, 2010, friends and neighbors got together to shovel out entire intersections and the path to Beville Middle School so children could get to school safely and not be forced to walk in the street. I noted that none of the participants had children in that school.

For many years at Halloween, we hosted an amazing haunt in our back yard. Each year it got bigger and better until finally it became so cumbersome we had to stop.

Our garage was filled to the rafters with Halloween decorations and we could barely get a car in there. It took us weeks to set up and days to tear down. In our biggest year we had a cast of 40 “actors”!

During Christmas, people would drive from all over to see the lights on Lynhurst Drive House after house was illuminated with lights on trees and roofs, in windows and around doors.

On the 4^th of July, there were cookouts and fireworks on the street corner. All the neighbors chipped in for a great display, then a couple of stalwart folks cleaned up all the debris.

My neighbors across the street moved here in 1996 and their three children were very small. Charlie ran his own business doing siding and his wife worked from home.

One year, Charlie became very ill. His liver and lungs were failing and he needed organ transplants. He had no medical insurance. Many people from his church and from our neighborhood as well as complete strangers all prayed for him and collected money for their family.

He received the transplants but was left weakened from his ordeal. He could no longer perform the physical labor of climbing ladders to run his siding business. He and his wife scraped together enough money to open a small restaurant and they work endless hours to make a living.

They lost their house here in Lindendale to foreclosure a couple of years ago. Through all their troubles they remain strong and stoic. They never once asked for help except to pray.

We attended funerals. We celebrated birthdays. We mowed grass for each other and shoveled snow for each other. We looked out for small children and talked to parents if there was a problem.

“Do you need a ride?”

“Would you like some of these plants?”

“I’m on my way to the store. Can I get anything for you while I’m there?”

If your community is not like that, you can change it. Just go outside and start with, “Hello! Can I help you with that?”

PS – The restaurant Charlie and Mira own is the Korean Grill & Rolls on Golansky Blvd. in Woodbridge. If you go there, please tell them I said, “Hello.”

I haven’t left the area and I think you already miss me! You may not know you miss me unless you ride down Lindendale Road and notice the grass is tall, the sidewalks aren’t edged, there’s litter and leaves in the gutter on the wooded block adjacent to Dale City Christian Church. We’ve been maintaining that block (and occasionally another wooded lot across the street) since 2006. We have a sign there for an Adopt a Spot for the Lindendale Community, but typically an Adopt a Spot is just a litter pick up, not the kind of community maintenance we do.

There’s a perennial flower bed there. We planted it with Shasta Daisies, Coreopsis and Purple Coneflower. The deer ate all the coneflower, but the Daisies, the Coreopsis and a Datura Lily lend some bright color to the landscape all summer long. The flowers are ready to be cut down and mulched soon and the bed is in need of some weeding.

For many years, in the very hot month of August, Bill and I edged all the sidewalks in front of the power lines from the other side of Dale City Christian Church to Enterprise Elementary School. We also edged nearby lots, all to make the neighborhood look great before the kids start back to school and show that community care and maintenance makes a difference.

On our own street corner at Lindendale and Lynhurst, we did the same thing. Our neighbors saw us there year after year, edging, trimming, sweeping and using a weed whacker in curbs and gutters, and along fences. We sprayed weed killer into sidewalk cracks to keep weeds from returning.

Also since 2006, Bill and I have planted annuals at the entrance to Lindendale. We watered, weeded and fertilized them, cutting them down in the fall, planting something different the following spring. We had a second Adopt a Spot there, from the corner of Lindendale and Dale, down to Beville Middle School.

The roses planted at the commuter lot are looking kind of shabby. Some need replaced (thanks in part to careless commuters and Comcast employees who parked poorly, Farmer’s Market vendors who dropped their crates on them and rats who tunnel mercilessly, destroying the roots.) Weeds and crabgrass are already taking over and I fear those roses, the source of so much pride to a small group of volunteers a few years ago, will soon return to the shabby condition that inspired our action now that Bill, Linda and I are no longer available to care for them.

Some ambitious, community-minded group, scout troop or service club could step up here for the commuter lot. All the rest of our locations are actually owned by someone. Prince William County Schools, Board of County Supervisors, and Hylton Corporation all own parts of the properties we cared for. They will mow, but not weekly and they don’t edge and sweep the streets and walks.

What I’ve described are the regular, week after week, year after year projects we’ve maintained. Today’s column does not include the monthly, quarterly, annual or one-time projects that will cease.

I haven’t finished telling you about the organizations for whom I volunteer and who need someone to replace me. So, as long as Uriah Kiser allows me to write, I’ll keep telling you what you’ve been missing!

Quick: Name as many types of saws as you can in two minutes! Let me help you.

There are coping saws, hack saws and backsaws, drywall saws and fret saws. There are also crosscut saws and rip saws. Motorized saws include miter saws, sliding compound miters saws, table saws, jig saws, rotary saws, circular saws, trim saws, and band saws.

Then there are specialty saws for particular purpose like chainsaws and tile saws. There are many more that fall within these general categories, but let me ask you this: “How many saws do you own?” We own all of them!

I can do this same question with screwdrivers, (Hand-held: Phillips, flat head, Torx. square drive, and hex drive. Also powered screw guns for drywall, decks and angled for tight spaces, both electric and battery powered.) Yes, we have all those, too. Drills? Hammers? Shovels? Check, check and check!

Some people like jewelry, some like clothes. Me? I like tools. When we first started remodeling, I read that amateurs should not buy cheap tools. Doing a new job without the right tools is hard for a professional and impossible for a novice.

Faced with moving, as we continue to decide what to take and what to sell or donate, it is impossible to let go of all these tools that we’ve used to remodel our home. I don’t want to say we’re hoarders in the traditional sense, because we genuinely used all these tools.

Soon, however, we’ll be moving to a new home. We will want to customize our closets, build storage in the garage, and perhaps some smaller projects, but I’m fairly certain we are done knocking down walls and re-building from scratch. So, why is it so hard to part with our tile saws and tile setting tools? Why can’t we get rid of the framing nailer and a twenty pound box of nails?

I’m beginning to suspect I am thinking metaphorically and these tools represent something far more important than metal and plastic. These tools represent our entire life in Prince William County from the time we purchased this house. We had no tools to start with. We learned the value of tools and collected the very best. We worked with them, loved them, appreciated them and treasured them.

Some of our tools are old. We’ve had them such a long time! Some of our tools are new. We haven’t had them long enough to fully enjoy them. (I think I’m still working on that last stage of grief, “Acceptance.” So far, I’m not even close.

I once read a book by Seth Godin, titled “Linchpin-Are you Indispensable?” It was an interesting book that expounded on the idea of making oneself indispensable in the workplace and therefor, invaluable to the company. I think Godin was intent on teaching us self-worth and creating our own space in the world, but I thought that concept “indispensable” was not a great idea. After all, how do you take vacations if you’re indispensable? What if you move? What happens when you die?

I’ve belonged to many great groups and organizations and I always try to get folks to plan ahead, get young, quick minds involved and folks who can physically meet the challenges of our obligations. It’s important that we mentor and encourage the next generation to become involved in their community.

I wish I’d worked harder on that challenge to get new blood into a group, show them what we do and ask them how they could make it better. It would certainly make the contemplated move from Dale City to Fort Knox easier to bear if I knew there were folks ready to step in and take over some of the responsibilities.

Some of my organizations were self-generated, like Neabsco Action Alliance and the Lindendale Community Group. NAA does not have many people in the core group, but a lot of big ideas for the Neabsco District. We hosted cleanups, partnered with many other groups on a variety of activities, did publicity and promotions, networked with other civic associations, did courtesy reviews, and shared information across multiple social media platforms.

Bill, my husband, and I designed the web page and kept it and the event calendar updated. We hosted county staff to instruct us in topics like the budget, economic development, land use, transportation and more. I worked with Bill Golden on a video series that features good people with a story to tell in Prince William County.

My Lindendale group is 75 families on an email chain with a virtual neighborhood watch. We shared county news, crime prevention information, emergency awareness information and the occasional birth, death, illness or a community need like a lost dog or someone needing their sidewalk shoveled.

The Neighborhood Leaders Group (NLG) evolved to address issues in communities, and to provide input to county staff with ideas and legislative possibilities for improvements. Prince William County hosts NLG meetings on a monthly basis as well as a very popular neighborhood conference each year. We work very closely with Neighborhood Services Division planning neighborhood cleanups, sharing resources and fighting deterioration in our communities. Designed originally for non-HOA neighborhoods, NLG now includes HOA communities.

In attempting to keep this column from becoming the length of a novel, I’ll stop here and continue with other groups on another day. Please let me know if you need more information or are willing to become a leader in these organizations. You can email me: [email protected] or find me on Facebook.

Do you know what these words signify?

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

If you said the five stages of death and dying you are correct!

I am neither dead nor dying but for the last 18 months it seemed like it. That is how long my husband has been looking for a job.

We shared denial: It was not a surprise to be laid off when the sequester was first broached. It was not unexpected that Bill, a senior level Oracle DBA, would be one of the first to go. The denial began when he didn’t get another job right away.

We experienced some anger: “Why us?”

We did a little bargaining: “Bill could work without benefits. Bill could take a pay cut. Bill could work part-time.”

Depression was complicated. It felt more like fear. “What will we do? What will happen to us?

So, here’s where we are: Bill may have a job at Fort Knox, but if that falls through, we are still going to have to move.

The grief I am experiencing is because I hate leaving my friends and my community. The anger is because I feel we are forced to make this decision by forces beyond our control…the economy, the cost of living, our age.

More than anything I am incredibly sad that our only alternative has become selling our home and moving some place where the cost of living is lower.

Still, I am aware how lucky we are. We will not have to sleep in a tent under a tarp like many unfortunate folks. We will not have to worry about starving to death or suffering from heat and cold. I am grateful for those things.

I can’t begin to describe to you how much I have loved my life in Prince William County. What a joy it’s been to serve my community in so many capacities.

I don’t have the words to tell you how much I hate to leave. We never expected to leave and we certainly don’t want to do so but we can’t just keep watching our bank account empty at this rapid pace. We were six and a half years away from retirement when Bill lost his job. We just can’t wait any longer or hope a job is going to open up.

We’re still going to be here a while. If Bill gets the job, he’ll be leaving in a couple of weeks. I’ll have to stay here and go through 30 years of possessions and decide what we take, sell or donate. My goal is to be gone before the holidays.

Oh, I didn’t write about the last stage, acceptance! I guess I haven’t hit that yet.