Helping seniors through change and loss

Change happens to us all. So does loss. But for seniors, it starts happening more frequently, becoming an often unwelcome part of everyday life.

Whether it be the change in appearance as a result of aging, the loss of mobility or the death of a friend, life gets shaken up when things don’t remain the same. Sometimes that’s okay. But sometimes, when loss is involved, it causes grief. Especially if you care for a senior, here’s what you need to know.

Grief happens in stages

Shock – Shock occurs initially when the loss happens, whether it is expected or not. It’s hard to deal with, but probably the best thing you can do is just be there for the senior in your care and acknowledge the reality of what has happened.

Anger – Anger can have many roots and various expressions. For example, a lack of preparation for a loss often fuels anger. If you’re caring for a senior who is angry about loss, validate that it is okay to be angry.

Denial – Denial occurs when a person does not want to recognize the truth. In this case, the senior in your care might not want to acknowledge loss. As a caregiver, it’s not your job to bring anyone down with harsh reminders. Gently referring to the loss, you can help by pointing out happy memories that remain.

Bargaining – Bargaining is an often misunderstood stage of grief. The senior in your care might try to offer something to change the reality of the loss, in hopes that the circumstance will remain the same. For example, they might say, “If my friend makes it out of surgery, I’ll never utter a bad word about her again.” You can help just by listening.

Depression – Depression is common for seniors, as it is for anyone faced with grief. This emotional stage is characterized by feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. While depression is normal to some extent, lingering depression is unhealthy. You can help the senior in your care by encouraging them to find things they like to do.

Testing – Testing is a mechanism people use when they are coming to terms with loss. Seniors in the testing stage cautiously consider the reality that staying in a deep, dark hole forever is not an option. When testing is successful, they start coming up with alternatives that will help them feel better. You can help the senior in your care by encouraging them to talk and explore their feelings and perceptions.

Acceptance – Acceptance happens when the loss is incorporated into the sum of the person’s experience. In this stage, the senior in your care might recognize the loss as just another part of life. Once this happens, they can move on.

Navigating through these stages can be tricky.  At times seniors may feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of losses they have to process. It is important to provide supportive, nurturing outlets for seniors, so they can get through this natural part of life.  A listening ear and a helping hand go a long way to getting your senior through this trying time.