Schooled: ‘Irenepocalypse?’ Too Soon?

President Obama said it, the West Coast Social Network is currently saying it, even my husband, a native New Englander has said it: We’re kind of pansies about weather in our area, and lately we’ve been hit with a bunch of it.

Growing up in Northern Virginia, when I went away to the College of the Holy Cross and had to take an exam in an actual blizzard, it was culture shock. Here in the DC Metro Area, we cancel school for a projected dusting. My military friends who have lived in California tell me that no reaction is warranted to anything under a 6.5 earthquake. Friends in the gulf coast region have informed me that the appropriate response to a rapidly approaching storm is not to buy toilet paper and milk, but batteries and margarita mix for whomever’s house you’re holding your hurricane party at.

That’s not to poke fun at natural disasters. I of course understand that Mother Nature goes on some pretty intense drunken rampages when she’s off her meds — things like the earthquake in Haiti or the tsunamis in Japan. But when we all take to social media claiming a “snowpocalypse,” we’re kind of asking for people in other parts of the country, especially areas who regularly weather snow higher than their cars, to make fun of us.

Perhaps part of the problem is a lack of knowledge about these events- if that’s the case, the United States Geological Survey has information on our recent seismic activity, and, yes, a map where you can confirm that your most recent chair wiggle was, in fact, a 2.1 magnitude aftershock.

The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has information on being prepared for the “weather-pocalypse” of your choice, as well as an information site for children, although I have to say the animated people look more disturbed than a Fairfax driver on 95 in an inch of snow.

If you’re looking for cancellation information, your local park service information line, either Prince William or this link might prove helpful if you’re in Stafford.

If the issue isn’t information, but preparation, Stafford County is recommending the following precautions in advance of hurricane Irene:

• Organize an emergency supply kit for your family that will be able to sustain them for at least three days. The kit should include items such as non-perishable food, water, a battery-powered or hand-crank radio, extra flashlights and batteries. Citizens may want to purchase a dual power (electric with battery backup) NOAA weather radio.
• Plan to bring in all outdoor furniture, decorations, garbage cans and anything else that is not tied down.
• Keep all trees and shrubs well-trimmed so they are more wind resistant.
• Secure your home by closing shutters, securing outdoor objects or bringing them inside.
• Turn off utilities if instructed. Otherwise, turn the refrigerator thermostat to its coldest setting and keep its doors closed.
• Turn off propane tanks.
• Install a generator for emergencies.
• Reinforce your garage doors; if wind enters a garage, it can cause dangerous and expensive structural damage.
• Ensure a supply of water for sanitary purposes such as cleaning and flushing toilets. Fill the bathtub and other large containers with water.

In all seriousness, I hope that you and yours weather this weekend’s storm safely. And, if you’re on Facebook complaining about the weather, try to make us look good and don’t call it “Irenepocalypse”, OK?