CoffeeBreak: Son needs pocket protectors, not a cell phone

I am in fear that my son is going to be a ‘cool kid’.  Mind you before he was born I figured I wanted a popular child who had great social skills, personality and walked on water whenever he chose.

But now that he’s here and exploring all that comes with being a 13-year-old “man boy” – I just want him to be as non-cool as possible.

I want him to wear pocket protectors for his pens, and maybe some suspenders like Urkel wore on Family Matters, which you have to admit, is a much better look than the super baggy, loose fitting jeans so many teens and men who never grew up are trying to wear.

Sometimes, I pretend that my son is dedicated to his studies and in his spare time he explores the plausibility of Quantum Physics and Theories.  Instead, I fear the reality is he is obsessing over the next girl he will find cute and begin his strategy on how to get her phone number.

Deep down I want my son to be shy and awkward around girls.  Instead I find him continuously ask me for a cell phone (yes, he is the only teen in Northern Virginia who does not have his own phone).

This daily plea has nothing to do with the possibility that I might need to reach him.  Never mind the fact that I am the one who carried him for nine months and provides a roof over his head.  This child has the audacity to beg me for a phone so he can have private chats with the next young lady aiming to steal my baby boy’s heart.

Yes, one day my 13-year-old will be someone’s husband.  He will eventually have his own home and family – as it should be.

Maybe in another 13 years I will be ready.  In the meantime I will purchase some pen protectors to lay around the home, just in case.

Michelle Bond lives in Woodbridge and often writes about her son, local living and about all of life’s other interesting curiosities. You can connect with her at [email protected] and on Twitter @1Coffeebreak.