Backpacks stuffed with fresh school supplies sit by the door. A snazzy new lunchbox waits to be packed. A carefully selected outfit hangs in the closet.

Ready, set, go … the new school year is about to start.

The anticipation and excitement of a new year and, perhaps, a new school, carries some anxiety for students of all ages, and, let’s face it, parents, too.

Open communication with your children about their concerns will go a long way toward preparing them for the next step and easing their fears.

Give your kids confidence to start the new school year with these five tips from Bradley Gerber, a clinical psychologist at Sentara RMH Medical Center:

• Forge friendships. A common concern among students of all ages is whether they will fit in. Peers become more and more important as kids get older – and they also influence the decisions kids will make. Encourage children to gravitate toward a peer group you feel will create the best environment for them.

• Evaluate expectations. The transition to middle school or high school can be unnerving as students navigate new routines and expectations. Provide your student with as much information as you can about the school and be sure the student has toured it. The more information and accurate knowledge children have, the less anxious they will feel.

• Smooth teacher anxiety. When class lists come out and texts fly! Kids may be worried about their new teacher and whether he or she is the right fit. Find out from your child what about the teacher they are worried about. If you feel it’s a legitimate reason that the teacher may not be a good match for your child, schedule a time to talk to the teacher to get some perspective. Approach it as a collaboration and not an inquisition. The teacher will respond better.

• Ease “new kid” worries. Families who have moved to a new town over the summer face a fresh start in every aspect of their lives. Being the “new kid” isn’t easy. Find out as much as possible about the new school for your student. Look online at the school website and even social media channels for the school. Visit the school as soon as you can and be sure to attend back-to-school events so your children can meet classmates before they start school.

• Calm parent angst. Letting go of your child after a fun summer or starting a new stage, such as entering kindergarten or high school, can weigh heavily on a parent’s heart. This is normal! Every change has the potential to bring a sense of grief that a stage is over and a new phase is starting. Create a way to keep track of your thoughts and feelings. Devising a system to save pictures and accomplishment of your child at each stage can help the transition. Each new start offers exciting possibilities, too, for parents, as well as students.

This post is brought to you by Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

One weekend, I went on a little trip with my sister-in-law to the beach, and after, posted this on Facebook:

Walking by the pier at Colonial Beach, Virginia and a gentleman in a wheelchair carrying fishing rods went past me and hooked my hair in one of the lures. So there I am, following after him so my head doesn’t get ripped off, and people are telling him “Stop!” 

After a brief ruckus, a man comes over and helps unhook me. “I don’t think I was what he was expecting to catch,” I say. Then he asks if my SIL and I like ice cream, at which point his friend comes over and asks my SIL, “Who do you think Jesus is?” and does she want an ice cream coupon. 

So then I’m thinking about them as being “fishers of men” but I’m kinda wondering how Jesus would feel about the whole ice cream bribe thing. I start looking around for a white van with no windows. Because that whole thing was bizarre. But it might make a great one-act play.

That ridiculous story got a lot of likes and laughs. And yet, it happened so quickly, and my sister-in-law and I didn’t really laugh or talk too much about it. It was only later that I could see the humor and the value of that little incident. What was the value? It inspired me to write the post and now, this chapter. And who knows. Maybe I will write the play.

Sometimes the most fleeting things make for the best inspiration, motivating us to go with it and take it further. When we do that, we give those moments a life of their own. And we create lasting memories. 

We create meaning and purpose. If you’ve ever made a scrapbook or used a photo as the basis for art, you understand the concept first-hand. It’s these snippets in time that hold more value in retrospect than we might have thought at the time they occurred.

Often, these brief occurrences live in our short-term memory, so if you want to harness them, you need to note them right away or they are easy to forget. Here are some ways you can keep track of those moments so you can return to them for inspiration when you want, all while strengthening memory.

1. Carry a notebook or note-taking app and jot down simple happenings throughout the day. Use lots of verbs and descriptions to keep it vivid.
2. Take photos of little things that catch your eye. Maybe it’s a weird bug on your front door or someone’s colorful shirt.
3. Listen. Really listen. What do you hear around you? Record it if you can. If you can’t, write it down. It might be something like ice from the ice maker falling into a container, the buzz of a toaster that burnt bread or a cat drinking water.
4. Go back and consider where you were when these things happened. How do they make you feel? Happy? Sad? Grateful?
5. What meaning do these moments hold for you? For example, I’ll now always remember that trip to the beach I took with my sister-in-law and the talks we had while we were there.

Besides helping you to live your best life, these practices are useful tools for creating art. Or you can use them in a class or workshop in just about any setting. Try them out and see the variety of applications.

You’ll probably discover that when you invest in fleeting moments, you’ll get many fulfilling returns.

Hooked on the fleeting,

I watched the jet ski fly by,

waves following,

like a memory. 

Until next time,

Katherine

This article is part of a series from the forthcoming book, Get Happy, Dammit. Copyright 2019, All Rights Reserved. Learn more at KatherineGotthardt.com.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

I recently took an online class in strategic thinking in which the instructor asks, “How do you make time for strategic thinking?” Her response was the same one exercise gurus, life coaches and business thought leaders tout: “Make time.”

“Make time” isn’t as simple as people make it out to be. It’s not always about time management and discipline.

It’s more about priorities and your state of mind. Let’s switch up the focus. When it comes to creating inspiration and motivation in your life, how dedicated are you? How badly do you want and need inspiration and motivation?

I’ll argue that you can’t have one without the other, because inspiration fuels motivation better than any catalyst I’ve ever encountered. I’ll also argue that emotionally, we crave both inspiration and motivation if we want to live our best life and move beyond the priorities of survival. Many of us are blessed to be in a place where we can do that.

Maybe you are taking time to read this because, at some level, you crave inspiration and motivation. If so, congratulations. You’ve got an appetite for the stuff.

But what if you don’t desire inspiration and motivation and wish you did? This happens to all of us at some point. Sometimes we call this being in a rut. It’s almost like we have to get inspired and motivated to want more of it enough to make time to nurture it. If you find yourself there, here are some things you can do:

• Go online and read inspirational quotes. (Seriously. Even if they are lame.)
• Why? The messages seep in. (At the very least, you’ll find something stupid to laugh at.)
• List three small, common things you are grateful for.
• Why? Ruts are partially created from taking things for granted. When we do that, we overlook the importance of little blessings, and those can be inspiring.
• Go outside and look up. Examine the clouds or the stars, the birds or the planes. Appreciate them.
• Why? When you reestablish the wonder you held as a child, you tend to get back to the basics of inspiration.
• Plop some paint on a piece of cardboard and swirl it around. Mix in some more colors. Watch how the colors merge and morph. If you feel the desire to fingerpaint, go for it.
• Why? You’re activating the creative side of your brain, fueling inspiration.
• If you have children or friends, no matter what the age, color or draw with them. Or write a silly poem using inane rhymes.
• Why? Group creativity and fun foster an environment where inspiration can grow.
• Go for a short walk. Really note the details: the paint peeling on the fire hydrant, the colors of the wildflowers, the texture of the sidewalk.
• Why? Being observant grounds us in the moment, makes us see things we ignore and brings new understanding, which is inspiring.
• Redecorate your office, even if you just switch out a couple of things or rearrange your desk.
• Why? It forces you to be more observant and create positive change within your surroundings. And it could inspire you to do more after.
• Do something out of the norm, even if it’s just saying hello to strangers.
• Why? It helps disrupt the common and snap you out of your rut. And it makes you think of other ways you can make changes including…you guessed it. Making more time to nurture inspiration and motivation.

You might discover that after reading these suggestions, you say to yourself, “Bull. I know what inspires me. I’m going to do it.” Great! Do what works for you. You know yourself, and engaging in this inner argument will inspire you to understand yourself even more.

When you know what makes you tick, you will know how to fuel your inspiration and motivation.

They told me “Make the time,”

but it felt like doing time,

hash marking days on the wall,

scraping my nails to the nub on cement,

in the same prison that has bricked

unfortunates for ages uncounted.

Instead, I make the rhyme,

using the words in my mind

to meter out the obvious,

the mundane, the cell,

the overwhelming whiteness of it all.

Oh, how they lie,

how they lie.

Until next time, 

Katherine

Tonight is the next coffeehouse at Chick-fil-A Bristow, a regular event that draws talent from the Bristow area to come and perform live at the restaurant.

Tonight’s artist is Amelia Reedy, 16, a lifelong resident of Nokesville. She attends Brentsville District High School where’s she’ll be a junior this fall.

She’s a member of the National Honor Society and sings in the school’s Treble Choir. She’s got a passion for theatre and has recently been a member of the cast of Beauty and the Beast, Seussical the Musical, and Mutually Assured Destruction.

Reedy has performed at the Relay for Life, and at Bach 2 Rock concerts, but her music is mainly enjoyed by her family and friends. Reedy’s love for music and performing has given her a great sense of expression throughout her high school career.

She plays the ukulele and sings, and has studied at Bach 2 Rock in Bristow with Susan Washington since the 8th grade. While not studying at school or music, she is a team member at Chick-fil-A Bristow.

Reedy hopes to study education and music therapy, sharing her passion with others.

The coffeehouse is from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at Chick-fil-A Bristow, located at 9939 Sowder Village Square in Bristow. Coffee specials will include buy-one-get-one-free Thrive Farmers coffee hot, iced, or frosted varieties.

Come enjoy an evening of live music and coffee on the patio.

Friday Night Coffee House-July 26-Amelia

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

“There’s no way in hell I’m going to do the same thing my parents did.”

Whether you’re a parent or not, a lot of people think and say this. It’s not that we all had crappy parents. It’s just easier to see the mistakes they made because they made them on us. No, I’m not playing the blame game. Most children can pretty much say the same thing because no parent is perfect. My point here is, when it comes to motivation, sometimes it’s the “No way!” that gets us moving in the right direction.

“Now wait a second,” you say. A while back, we talked about how the mind only reads positive statements, that when we say, “Don’t do this,” the mind hears, “Do this!” So how can negative motivation possibly work?

It’s simple. Negative motivation can be the catalyst that pushes you in the direction of your goals. After that, strategic, positive statements need to take over. But negativity, if harnessed correctly, can be turned into a positive force to be reckoned with.

Here’s an example. When I was a kid, I went to a really strict private school for a few years. I must have had the meanest teacher alive, because she spent most of my eighth grade belittling me, telling me how I wasn’t anything like my older brother (whom she had taught before and apparently adored) and how I was a disappointment. Big blow to the self-esteem, right? Okay, now it’s decades later, and I have my own kids. I vow I will never, ever let my kids have a teacher like that. That’s the negative.

The positive? I was more proactive. I listened to my kids. I observed some of their classes. I went to parent-teacher conferences. I wasn’t a helicopter parent, but I checked in periodically to make sure everything was working well. And guess what? My kids made it through school without having the same issues I did. They had other issues (you can’t make it through school without having at least a few), but they had good teachers.

So now, I’m going to ask you to dabble in the negative a bit. Just dip your toes into a couple of bad memories. We’re not going to bathe in them or stay there. Just give yourself a reminder of something you don’t ever want to happen again.

Now, in one sentence, write it down.

For example, “I will never, ever let a boss get away with cussing at me.”

Okay. Now…what positive things might you try to help ensure that doesn’t happen? Write three to four steps you will take. But use positive language and make a simple, realistic plan.

For example:

1.  I use professional language, so my boss knows that’s one of my values.
2.  I speak to my colleagues with respect to show my boss I treat others the way I want to be treated.
3.  When I am angry, I communicate clearly and appropriately to my boss and anyone else around me to provide a model for the way in which I prefer to be spoken to.
4.  If my boss is headed in the direction of cussing at me, I calmly and politely redirect the conversation.

See how we took a negative situation and made positive steps to change it?

It’s really not so difficult – in theory, that is. So why don’t we do it more often?
·         We forget to practice the behaviors we outlined.
·         We fall back into old patterns, speaking in the negative instead of the positive.
·         We’re so accustomed to the negative that we get discouraged and start to feel doomed to a fate we didn’t choose.

The fix for this is to repeat the exercise again and again. You know how they say it takes 21 days or so to create a new habit? This is what you’re doing. If that means sitting down every day and writing the steps, then that’s what it means. This is how you’ll stay positively motivated. Yes, it will take effort. Yes, you will get discouraged. But keep at it. Believe in the process. It works.

What do you see when you ask,
“What if?”
when you look into the eyes of the possible,
the maybe,
the last hope
groping a forgotten face?  
Write it down,
there, in notebook, or on napkin.
Now, there’s a plan.
Ink has made it so.
You have made it so.
Look who approaches!
Success, wearing the smile
of a child,
my old friend.

Until next time,

Katherine

Postpartum Depression (PPD) is the leading complication of pregnancy and occurs in as many as one in 10 pregnant women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. PPD can occur from a few days up to 18 months after delivery.

PPD can be treated and prevented with timely screening and diagnosis.

New mothers experiencing depression say:

• I’m supposed to be happy….why do I feel so sad?
• I worry all the time.
• Why am I such a failure?
• Everything would be better if I got a good night’s sleep.
• Why can’t I snap out of it?
• I want to run away

Signs and symptoms of PPD include:

• Feeling overwhelmed
• Anxious
• Sad
• Guilty
• Irritable
• Hopeless
• Exhausted but can’t sleep

Complications of this major depressive disorder can lead to altered bonding, cognitive and developmental delays in the newborn that can persist into and through adolescence, negative effects on relationships with family and spouse/significant other that can lead to divorce, suicide, or infanticide.

If you feel that you may be experiencing PPD please call your doctor to discuss your treatment options. Early diagnosis and treatment is important.

Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center offers a Postpartum Support Group on the 2nd & 4th Tuesday of every month from 10 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. in the Hylton Education Center on the campus of Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center, 2300 Opitz Blvd., Woodbridge, Va. 22191.

If you feel as though you are in immediate danger of harming yourself or your baby please reach out to a physician, go to the nearest emergency department or call 911.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

Think back to your young adulthood. Were you someone who wanted to stand out or fit in? Both? Maybe you took a winding path in the pursuit of discovering yourself or defining yourself.

Whatever the route, it got you where you are today. But now that you’re older, have you thought about what sets you apart? I’m going to argue that, while we need to fit in, the ability to celebrate our uniqueness plays into staying motivated and inspired.

Here’s why.

People are social creatures, by nature and necessity. Human beings have expressed tribal mentalities since the dawn of time. And yet, there is something appealing about being different – not so different that you can’t fit in when need be, but different enough to make others take pause and think.

When I was a teen, I did this by wearing black. My mother hated it. Then one day, I decided to dye my hair darker brown. Except it came out black. So now I was looking pretty radical compared to my former self.

I went into class and this girl with a black mohawk saluted me, hand covered in a spiky glove. “I like your hair,” she said. I smiled. Yet, I was a bit uneasy. Did I want to be what was known as punk? Did I want to stand out like she did? Was I ready for that?

The short answer was, no. My boyfriend said he didn’t like the black, so I changed it back. Yes, I caved. But since I was already on the fence about it, I didn’t think it made too much of a difference.

Looking back, I wonder what might have happened if I delved further into my punk side. As I type right now, I am looking at the rings on each of my fingers. I’m thinking about the four earrings in each ear, the funky headband and the lacy boho top. My look is still a little different, but what’s more important is how I live my life and my values. In fact, it’s no one thing that sets me apart. It’s more the unique combination.

So what about you? Are you ready to use this introspection as a tool for motivating and inspiring yourself to go further than you thought you could? Give it a try.

1. Write down ten traits that best to describe you. These can be anything from how you dress to what you profess.
2. Of these, choose three that are the most important, that have the most depth.
3. Of these three, choose two that you most appreciate about yourself.
4. Each day, do one thing to develop each of those traits.
5. Mark off each day that you do your development activity. See how long you can maintain the practice.
6. At the end of a month, look at the changes you’ve made and how you’ve developed in those areas of choice.
7. Pat yourself on the back.

Here’s the why:

When you identify the unique things about yourself that you love enough to invest time and energy into, you grow in those areas. Every day, you become stronger. And that makes you feel good.

The more you feel good, the more rewarded you feel, the more time and energy you put into developing those traits. And before long, you’ll see yourself excelling, going beyond even your own expectations. You’ll see the combination of those traits morphing in ways you didn’t expect, and you’ll be celebrating that. And you won’t stop because you’ll be inspired to keep going.

The funny thing is, we do this kind of thing all the time, but we don’t notice it because we usually do it for pure enjoyment. For example, you might love to take photos. So you buy a nice camera and you practice. Before long, you become an expert. That’s great. But what I’m suggesting is that you choose something deeper than a hobby or job, something beyond the obvious. It might not even be something you enjoy. Ah. Now I’ve created work for you, right? It’s okay. You’ll discover the work is worth it, especially the more you reward yourself by feeling good and recognizing the unique combination that makes up you.

We hear a lot about getting back in touch with “the real you,” about being authentic, about releasing the inner child screaming to get out. These are all important, but it’s equally important to discern what parts of the “real you” are truly what you want to invest in. Discover them. Develop them. Love them. And watch as the inspired miracle of you grows larger than life.

Did you dye your hair,
thinking it would change you?
Forget what you see in the mirror.
It shatters too easily.
Fix your eyes on what’s behind
the shiny surface.
Feel your stomach as you inhale.
See how each deep breath
expands the chest?
It’s gifting us life.
Making us mighty.

Until next time,

Katherine