April 23 was National Talk Like Shakespeare Day, and the Stafford County Sheriff’s Office — known for its creative press releases — got in on the action. Here’s its full accounting of criminal incidents posted that day, written like the “Bard of Avon.”

Stafford County Sheriff’s Daily Incident Report:  Release Date April 23, 2024

ASSAULT
Shelton Shop Road, 4/21, 8:36 p.m. Twas a dark and chilly night, When Deputy Croson respondeth to a fight. One combatant hath partaken of ye-olde-alcohol, And causeth disturbances, which leadeth to his fall. He receiveth a large gash upon his head, And endeth his evening in a hospital bed. Thou thinketh a crime, methinks nonsense Tis clearly a case of ye-olde self-defense. As surely as the sun doth set in the west,

In this fisticuffs, no charges were pressed. Deputies responded to a disturbance on Shelton Shop Road and one of the subjects required treatment at a local hospital for an injury to his head. Deputies determined the injured party was assaulted as a result of self defense and no charges were placed.

DUI
Cambridge Street, 4/21, 3:00 a.m.
Motorist of 24 years from Fredericksburg City, T’would drink and drive, which is not ‘ery witty. He doth crasheth into a parked car, on the side of yon road, Deputy Ward respondeth and hath his car towed.
Eyes were quite glassy, his balance unsteady, Placed in jail with a bond, the endeth already. A 24-year-old male from Fredericksburg crashed into a parked car and was arrested for DUI. He
was held at the Rappahannock Regional Jail on a bond.

Cliff Circle, 4/21, 6:37 a.m.
Deputy Gildea doth respondeth to an SUV on its side, Driven by a drunk driver, near yon trailer double wide. The 18-year-old driver, from the County of Stafford, T’was too young for alcohol, so not all above board. T’was arresteth for DUI, went right to yon jail, Methinks Magistrate not pleased, for he receiveth no bail. An 18-year-old male was arrested for DUI after crashing into a parked car and overturning his SUV. He was jailed without bond and additionally charged with underage alcohol possession.

Corvair Street, 4/21, 4:48 p.m.
Deputy Suarez observeth a Ford maketh improper turn, An intoxicated driver lacketh license, quite a concern. Of Stafford County, a woman of 53 years, Will now be the recipient of many a jeers. Hopefully she learneth, next time call an Uber, For ‘ere night she was jailed until sober, her bond unsecure. A 53-year-old female was arrested for DUI after she made an illegal turn. She was held at the Rappahannock Regional Jail until sober.

Corvair Street, 4/21, 4:48 p.m.
Deputy Suarez observeth a Ford maketh improper turn, An intoxicated driver lacketh license, quite a concern. Of Stafford County, a woman of 53 years, Will now be the recipient of many a jeers. Hopefully she learneth, next time call an Uber, For ‘ere night she was jailed until sober, her bond unsecure. A 53-year-old female was arrested for DUI after she made an illegal turn. She was held at the Rappahannock Regional Jail until sober.

LARCENY

Walmart, 11 Village Parkway, 4/21, 12:59 p.m.
Deputy De Hoyos respondeth to the pilferage of a cart of grocery, T’would be hard to imagine this canker blossoms roguery! A license plate twas provided, a quick check with DMV, A warrant is now on file, you shant take things for free! A female suspect fled the Walmart with a cart full of groceries. Staff provided her vehicle information and a warrant is now on file for her arrest.

Hunton Drive, 4/21, 4:45 p.m.
Deputy Amato learneth of the theft of yon chariot. Resident’s Corolla disappeareth faster than a horse named Secretariat.
The car twas entered into a national database, listed as stolen. Prosecution awaiteth for those who hath a role in! A resident reported their Toyota Corolla stolen from their driveway.

TRAFFIC OFFENSE

Stafford Hospital, 4/21, 5:22 p.m.

Beef-witted scallywag causeth damage to a car. Owner twasn’t there, now we searcheth for cause of the mar.
A driver reported his unoccupied vehicle was struck by a hit and run driver in the Stafford Hospital parking lot.

WARRANT SERVICE
3000 Block of Richmond Highway, 4/21, 2:41 p.m. A wanted driver Deputy Martinez did stop on the street, A smoke wagon found concealed in the door neareth the driver’s seat. Outstanding warrants were served, addeth a new one for the gun,
He was released without bond, so let’s hopeth he won’t run. A wanted suspect was stopped in the 3000 block of Richmond Highway. During the arrest a concealed handgun was found in the door. He was released by the magistrate on the outstanding warrants and the new concealed weapon warrant.

Prince William Parks and Recreation sponsors today’s weather forecast.

Summer Job Alert: Parks and Recreation Hiring Seasonal Workers Now! Want to earn some extra cash this summer and enjoy your job at the same time? PWC Parks and Recreation is now hiring for seasonal jobs.. Camp Counselors, Lifeguards, Cooks and more…

As the workweek progresses, we can expect a shift in weather patterns. The National Weather Service forecasts high pressure to regain dominance today and Friday, bringing with it cooler temperatures and dry conditions. However, a significant warm-up is on the horizon for the weekend as a warm front approaches the region.

Today, a reinforcing shortwave is moving across northern Virginia, nudging yesterday’s cold front further southward. This movement prompts the return of high pressure, expected to build to the north throughout the day and night. Temperatures will notably drop, with highs reaching the 50s and lows dipping into the middle to upper 30s.

Friday will see a mix of sun and clouds, with clouds increasing in the southwest. Despite being cooler than previous days, temperatures will be more moderate, hovering near 60 to the lower 60s for most areas. Friday night brings the next chance for showers as warm advection precedes a system approaching from the center of the country, along with its associated warm front.

As Saturday unfolds, high pressure will continue its southeastward movement, allowing the warm front to push farther into the region. Expect a few showers, mainly along and west of the Blue Ridge, with temperatures ranging from the upper 50s to lower 60s in the north and middle to upper 60s in the south. Saturday night’s lows will be milder compared to the previous nights.

Sunday promises a significant warm-up, with sunny skies and temperatures soaring to around 83 degrees Fahrenheit, marking a stark contrast to the cooler conditions earlier in the week.

Prince William County Police Daily Incident Report: Animal Cruelty Investigation – On April 21 at 4:27 PM, officers responded to the area of Oakwood Dr. and Armada Pl. in Woodbridge (22192) to investigate an animal cruelty. The investigation revealed at approximately 4:00 PM, an unknown woman left a dog next to a guardrail in the above area before leaving in a black
Nissan. A short time later, a Good Samaritan located the dog suffering from a broken leg and contacted the police. The dog, described as a 1–2-year-old brown chihuahua mix, was transported to the Animal Services Center for medical treatment. Animal Control Officers are seeking assistance from the public to identify the dog and obtain information leading up to the dog’s abandonment.

Prince William County’s Board of Supervisors easily approved the fiscal year 2025 budget with a few changes on Tuesday, April 23, 2024, to take effect on July 1.

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School officials in Prince William County say Antisemitic symbols were found painted on the side of Coles Elementary and Benton Middle schools near Woodbridge.

So far, no officials have shown the images. Benton Middle School’s principal Jerri Piacesi posted this message to social media:

We are writing to inform you that graffiti including antisemitic symbols were found on school grounds at both Benton Middle School and Coles Elementary School. We have no reason to believe our schools or students are in any danger. However, we are committed to ensuring a safe and secure environment.

The graffiti has been removed, and we are working with the police department to ensure an investigation is conducted. Graffiti or vandalism of school property is a violation of the PWCS Code of Behavior, and we take this violation very seriously. This type of behavior will not be tolerated and is not consistent with our efforts to ensure our students are learning in a safe, positive, and inclusive learning environment.

Prince William County Coles District Supervisor Yesli Vega released a statement:

I want to express my unwavering support for our Jewish community. In Prince William County, we firmly reject any form of hatred.

We boldly denounce the antisemitic symbols and graffiti found on school property.

I support our Police Department in their investigative efforts in bringing those responsible for this, to face the full consequences of their actions.

I would like to thank staff for their rapid response in ensuring the graffiti was removed, and to Principles Piacesi and Drzewucki for their commitment to the safety of our students.

The two schools sit side by side on Hoadly Road, near Route 234.

Benton has 1,35o students, while Coles has 400 students.

The report comes as Columbia University in New York City and college campuses across the country are reeling with antisemitic protests. Classes at Columbia were held online after university leaders told students they could not guarantee the safety of Jewish students.

More as we have it.

Manassas City Council held a public hearing on the city's budget, as residents once again are facing the prospect of paying more in taxes.

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Manassas City Police Department: On April 22, 2024, at approximately 2:16 a.m., the Manassas City Police Department responded to a 911 call for shots fired in the 9100 block of Winterset Drive.

Upon arrival, officers located several shell casings at the scene. It appeared an occupied single-family residence was struck by gunfire. Officers located the residents who were unharmed.

A thorough canvas of the area was conducted for evidence and to ensure the health and safety of surrounding residents and their homes. We believe this is an isolated incident.

Detectives are asking anyone with information on this incident to please contact us at 703-257-8000. The investigation continues.

Early voting for the June Primary Elections in Stafford County begins on Friday, May 3, 2024. The election is on Tuesday, June 18, 2024.

Voters wanting to vote in the Republican Primary will be voting for the US Senate and the 7th Congressional District. Voters wanting to vote in the Democratic Primary will be voting for the 7th Congressional District. You may request a mail-in ballot from the General Registrar until June 7, 2024.

The General Registrar’s Office has moved to 124 Old Potomac Church Road, Suite 205, Stafford, in the Germanna Community College Building.

All early voting will be available at 124 Old Potomac Church Road, Suite 205, Stafford. Voters will not be able to cast ballots early at the county’s government center, George L. Gordon, Jr. Government Center, next to the courthouse.

Any additional information can be found online. You can also see who is on your ballot.